This week’s episode starts out with Maggie and Jason, in the kitchen…
The couple is discussing how busy they are. Jason brings up how they haven’t had a lot of alone time lately.
In comes Ben, asking Maggie where the wings are for his angel costume for the school play. This made me laugh. Suddenly Mike bursts into the room wearing Ben’s wings and acting like he’s flying. He’s also wearing protective goggles and using a bicycle wheel to steer.
Carol also walks in and immediately picks up a grapefruit. Mike steals the grapefruit right as she’s peeling it and makes a basket right into the halo that Ben’s wearing. Fed up with the shenanigans, Maggie threatens the three of them by saying that “The last one on the school bus has to eat Jason’s pancakes.”
Needless to say they all hurry out of the kitchen.
Then Maggie apologizes to Jason for the kids messing up there alone time, even though it really isn’t her fault. Jason proceeds to bring up this deal he saw in the paper from the Hartley Inn, an old ski resort they went to before Mike was born. Even though I don’t really know why they have to go all the way to a ski resort in Vancouver just to have alone time.
I guess they’ll want to ski but it sounds like most of the time we’ll be doing…well, you know. They mostly did that that last time because Maggie brings up Mike was born 9 months after that. At this point Maggie must be thinking this is a family vacation because Jason mentions that it’ll just be the two of them. Jason persuades her but Maggie takes some convincing on the next part, as Mike will have to babysit since he’s the oldest and they can’t get a sitter on such short notice.
The next scene we see Maggie and Jason about to head out. Maggie is going over the emergency rules with the kids. Jason comes in from the car, which is now all packed. They’re ready to leave when the doorbell rings. Mike, trying to show to his parents that he can be trustworthy, answers the door. He screws up by making the oldest mistake in the book. He tells the man, an encyclopedia salesman, that his parents don’t have much time because they’re going away and won’t be home for the whole weekend right in front of Jason and Maggie.
The man kindly leaves and Jason and Maggie tell Mike that he shouldn’t ever tell anyone his parents aren’t going to be home. Maggie brings up how that man could be an axe murderer for all they know. Mike defends his actions by saying defends the man didn’t look like the axe murdering type. Maggie then asks him what the axe murdering type looks like.
Next Maggie and Jason arrive at the hotel with Jason carrying Maggie over the threshold, like they’re newlyweds. Maggie (of course) begins worrying and calls the kids soon after their arrival in the room. She lets the phone ring nearly 30 times and when no one answers, she immediately thinks something has gone wrong. Way to jump to conclusions, Maggie.
After the word from our sponsor, we’re still in the hotel room with Maggie on the phone and Jason pacing back and forth. We see what each of them imagine is happening to the kids through a horrible transition effect.
First up is Maggie. Her vision starts in the living room where Ben is stacking various types of plates and glasses on top of each other on a cloth. Carol is reading a book when Mike comes in and intends to have a barbeque in the living room.
He then moves to the kitchen when Carol brings up how he wouldn’t be allowed to barbecue in the living room. Still in the living room, we hear Mike saying how he thinks he knows how to barbecue. Haha oh Mike, I hope he dies. Carol tries to help by going into the kitchen, but not before pulling the cloth from underneath all the plates and glasses Ben was piling on top of each other.
All of them run for the hills.
Jason’s little scenario has Mike reading Carol and Ben a book using a British accent. They’re interrupted by the doorbell. Carol brings up how they’re not allowed to bring strangers into the house. Mike says the person at the door isn’t a stranger but the encyclopedia salesman from earlier. The salesman pulls a gun out of their briefcase and takes them hostage.
All of this is part of his revenge scheme for various people turning him away at the door and not buying any encyclopedias. What follows is a hilariously bad effect where the salesman shoots his machine gun at the ringing telephone.
Trust me you have to see it to believe it.
Next Jason and Maggie decide to call one of their neighbors and ask if she’ll go over and check to see if their kids are there. She does and the kids are nowhere to be found.
Maggie and Jason have a joint imagination sequence next. Neat trick…Camera focuses on them both and they are imagining the same thing. This sequence shows the kids at an over-the-top 80’s nightclub. Mike looks at home in all leather and spiked hair. Carol and Ben are in their pajamas. Mike explains to his friend who seems to be the manager of the joint that he plans to drop out of school and become a bouncer at the club.
The manager offers work to Carol and Ben too. Carol becomes a waitress while Ben becomes a bartender. Much to her displeasure, a man in the club comes on to Carol. Moments earlier that same guy had handed his gun to Ben. Mike jumps in to save Carol and is scared silly when he realizes how big the guy is. Ben then pulls the gun from behind the counter and points it at the loser, defending his sister’s honor and ending the scene.
Once again, Ben saves the day!!
Jason and Maggie decide to do the sensible thing to do and call the police.
Now we’re in Mike’s room. He’s awakened by the noise his parents are making by trying to unlock the door. Mike mistakes that noise for a gun. To be fair it really does sound like that. He gets Carol and Ben and has them climb out his window and go to the garage and call the cops because someone is in the house.
Maggie and Jason enter the house but are pinned the stair railing in the living room by the cops. One of those cops played by Dennis Haysbert, known to many as the Allstate guy. As soon as Jason says, “We are the Seavers,” Dennis asks for ID.
Soon after Mike, Carol, and Ben walk in confirming that these are their parents despite the fact that they are supposed to be in Vermont. The cops leave and Mike asks what Maggie and Jason are doing home. Jason and Maggie explain their worries and ask why no one answered the phone.
Mike says he didn’t expect them to be calling since they said they’d call tomorrow and they were over at Ms. Moisiates’ having strudel and looking at her vacation slides. So in the end Maggie and Jason had nothing to worry about.
Idiocy at it’s finest.
End scene: We see Jason and Maggie asking each other if they’re normal parents. They decide they aren’t normal parents since normal parents wouldn’t go out for a “Double Dip Banana Fudge Sundae Surprise.” Especially when they are supposed to be on a romantic ski vacation. Haha. But they have one more problem: they left their car in Vermont.
What a couple of imbeciles.
And that’s the point…
Join me next week as I review S1, E8, “Slice of Life.”