Season 1, Episode 8, “Slice of Life”

This week’s episode, “Slice of Life,” opens in the kitchen for a change. Ha Ha.

Jason mentions how coffee is an aphrodisiac—(i.e, makes you more romantic). Upon hearing this, Maggie wants more.

They hear a loud crash and in come Ben and Carol. Ben’s mad at Carol for turning off his water from an HOUR-AND-A-HALF shower. Ben’s reasoning for this collosal waste of resources is he wanted to break the world record for most time under water, which is 12 days.

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Seeing how sad he is from not breaking the record, Carol agrees to help him break another one. Jason and Maggie get back to what they’re doing when they’re interrupted by Mike, who wants to take karate lessons. But I don’t understand how he already has the uniform when he hasn’t taken a lesson yet????

Maggie asks if it’s about a girl. Mike denies it, but it totally is. Jason gives Mike ten dollars and tells him to get her a burger.

Jason is in his office secretly looking over a marriage compatibility test for a couple of his patients. Maggie wants to take it, but Jason doesn’t think they need to.

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Alas Maggie gets her way and they take it.

Mike’s on the phone with his friend Boner, who if you remember made fun of Mike in, “Springsteen” Episode 2, for going to a Springsteen concert with his father. He’s asking what Mr. Miyagi told Danny was the most important reason to study karate in “The Karate Kid.” Mike wasn’t there because he was getting candy.

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Way to walk out on one of the most important scenes, Mike.

He does a terrible job of using what Boner told him on his father. Bringing up Don Hoe and he doesn’t even know what he was saying him. Surprisingly, Jason doesn’t go for it and Mike is out of luck yet again.

Ben is impersonating Elvis in his attempt to break the record of the longest amount of time impersonating Elvis. Jason gets him to stop because he’d have to keep doing it for 12 days, which would never happen.

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I gotta tell you. I have no idea how people break some of these records.

Maggie walks in and asks Jason if he’s done grading the test. He is and soon comments how he messed up on the “Would you ever keep anything from your spouse” question. He answered that he would, much to Maggie’s shock and surprise.

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Maggie asks Jason for an example of when he didn’t tell something. Jason brings up how he saw his old girlfriend Allison Van Dyke at the dry cleaners a couple weeks ago. Maggie gets mad not because he saw her but because he didn’t tell her. She storms off to go for her walk.

Mike is prepping for karate classes, which he’s confident he’ll still get to do. Carol and Ben come down the stairs while Ben is attempting to go the longest amount of time complaining about things, which is 64 hours. Ben complains about Mike. After Mike threatened him, he and Carol go back up stairs.

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The doorbell rings and Mike goes to get it. It’s the girl that Mike said wasn’t part of the whole karate thing. Why does it matter if it’s about a girl? Mike makes such a big deal about not wanting his parents to know about the girl when they would let him do it anyway regardless.

Jason comes out of his office and the girl is there. Mike pushes her into the closet.

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Jason and Mike talk again about karate. Mike basically comes out and says there is a girl. Then he compares her to a dog and calls her the “Elephant Girl.”She comes out of the closet Mike put her in to keep her from Jason and knocks Mike to the floor then leaves.

He deserved it.

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Jason is in his office reading. Maggie comes in and the two converse. They role-play as if Maggie is a patient of Jason’s. She brings up how she doesn’t like that Jason doesn’t tell her everything. Jason puts Maggie on his level by bringing up how he knows that at the Christmas Party last year his friend, Marty Brant, made a pass at Maggie and asked her to go to Tahiti with him for the weekend.

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Are you kidding me!! Oh I see it’s okay for Maggie to keep stuff to herself, but not Jason. This isn’t the first time this has happened either. Maggie is officially the worst person on this show. She thinks she can do stuff that Jason can’t. Double Standard.

But it doesn’t even matter because Jason saw Maggie do it and the friend made a jerk out of himself. Maggie didn’t think it mattered and that everyone would be better off if they just forgot about it. Ok fine but this is worst than Jason not mentioning he ran into his old girlfriend at the dry cleaners.

Anyway they make up and kiss.

End Scene: Maggie and Jason are making food in the kitchen. Carol and Ben come in ready to send a letter telling the Guinness Book of World Records that they’ve broken the record of most failed attempts at world records in a day. How ironic. Mike enters a dance uniform telling his parents that he wants to take Modern Dance. I wonder why.

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And that’s the point.

Please join me next week for Episode 9, “Carol’s Crush.”

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