Season 3, Episode 22, “The Obscure Objects of Our Desire Part 1”

Jason’s explaining to Maggie how he got the kids to pitch in with Spring Cleaning.

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Even though we quickly find out they’re cleaning all the junk in the basement to host a garage sale but whatever.

From Ben we find out Jason bribed him, so yeah Jason’s full of shit.

One thing I have to hand to Growing Pains is that the pre-credits are never a throwaway gag. We just get right into the plot, even if it sucks,

Ben, Carol, and Mike put some old boxes outside in the driveway for the garage sale. It’s there Ben sees the ash tray that Ben gave Jason. Ben’s wondering why it’s out there since Jason said he liked it.

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Once, throughout the entire series, have we ever seen Jason smoke. I swear I remember that ash tray, but we’ve never seen Jason smoke.

Mike, as the good brother he is, tells Ben that Jason was lying about liking the ash tray.

The concept of this episode sounds boring already.

Ben’s sitting down with the ash tray and suddenly he hears it talk. The ashtray is voice by Jeremy Miller (Ben).

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He lays it down and heads inside to help with the rest of the stuff for the garage sale.

Then the ashtray starts talking to Mike’s old sneakers and Carol’s glasses. Mike’s sneakers are voiced by Kirk Cameron (Mike) and Carol’s glasses are voiced by, you guessed it, Tracy Gold (Carol). It’s here we find out why this episode is so awful. It’s a clip show.

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No! I mean that makes writing this easier, but I hate clip shows. They’re so lazy. Even with good shows, they’re annoying.

So we hear the story about how Jason got the ashtray, from Season 1, Episode 17, Charity Begins at Home. We see exactly what happens in that episode. Ben can’t afford an expensive gift for Jason and all he has is an ashtray he made. A woman knocks on the door asking for money for the needy. That gives Ben the idea of going around asking for money to get Jason a present. From all the money he got, Ben gets Jason a nice camera. Upon discovering how Ben got the money, they return the camera to the store and all the money Ben asked for. This prompts Ben to give Jason the ashtray, which Jason loves because of where it came from.

Next up is Mike’s shoes. Turns out, these were the shoes Mike wrote all the answers on for the test, from Season 1, Episode 18, Reputation. He realized he actually knew the answers and didn’t have to cheat. He ends up receiving the highest grade in the class, but the teacher sees the answers written on the bottom of his shoes. This makes him think Mike cheated. Even though Mike tries to get the teacher to believe that he actually knows the answers and didn’t cheat. That prompts a meeting with Maggie and Jason where they discover that Mike actually knew the answers. Now he just has to retake the test in his underwear.

Carol and Ben come out of the garage. Ben’s carrying a broken lamp.

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Finally, something that’s not a clip show.

That quickly goes as they go inside and we see the beef the lamp has with Mike’s shoes. That’s because Carol accidentally broke the lamp when she threw Mike’s shoes at him. This is all going on when Carol and Jason are having a romantic dinner together and night away from home.Then glue the lamp back together, but they soon discover Ben is glued to the coffee table. They get Ben off, but there’s a giant glue stain on the table. Mike has the great idea of using the electric sander. They try it, but it cuts right through the coffee table. The next morning Jason throws his keys near the lamp breaking the lamp. Then Ben, who’s covering the whole in the coffee table, falls right through.

Now we hear Carol’s glasses talk. We hear about the events from Season 2, Episode 13, Some Enchanted Evening. You know, the one where Carol wants Bobby to ask her to the Dewey High Formal, but he can’t because he has to work. Except Carol doesn’t know that, so she spends the entire episode crying about it. Then Jason arranges for Carol and Bobby to dance on top of The Empire State Building.

It does nothing but makes me miss Bobby and wonder why Carol and him broke up. We never got an actual reason. We didn’t even need to see it in an episode. Just a dialogue exchange would’ve been nice.

Ben and Carol come outside and Carol sees her old glasses. Turns out she didn’t want to throw them away and Ben just assumed she didn’t need them anymore.

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Ben decides he wants to keep his ashtray, but then he drops it.

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The episode ends with Ben about to cry and To Be Continued… coming on the screen.

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Yeah, that’s right. Bad enough they made a clip show. They made a two part clip show. I want to scream.

That episode was total garbage. Even on clip show standards it was bad. The best they could come up with is animat objects talking to each other.

And That’s the Point.

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